In Loving Memory of Sim Mui Kee.

The very last sight of her...

The last good-bye!

A Not-Full-Strength family photo with her.

This is the Tan's Family!

These was taken during Chinese New Year.

And i realise, i dont really have a lot of photos with my Ahma...

兩年前，我失去了我的外婆... 一個從小到大一直照顧我們的外婆！

兩年後，我失去了我的奶奶... 奶奶在我們成長過程中同樣的扮演了一個很重要的角色！

其實我還不清楚自己是不是已經走出了兩年前失去外婆的痛，

因為這段期間我一直想起當時外婆離開的場景...

還記得小時候每個星期天都會跑到奶奶家住一晚，因為我們住的很近。其實主要目的是想跟表姐表哥一起玩... 但是成長過程中有一段時期，我們幾乎是只有大年初一才會出現在奶奶家... 她每次都笑得很開心的迎接我們。記得今年年初一，奶奶就坐在她常常坐著的椅子，腳下卻有一箱柑，拜完年後她就把柑扔在箱子裡，然後拿起另外兩個柑跟我們交換... 當時的她如此精神奕奕... 沒想到才過了半年，她就離我們而去了...

4月中發現她患有淋巴癌，第4期。當時醫生說了年輕人一般的壽命都不會超過3個月。當時我們個個都做好了心裡準備，珍惜陪在她身邊的最後這段日子。進出醫院幾次，因為她說想在家裡離開，但是最後的這一次，我們沒能實現她最後的這個心願。但至少她安詳的離去。記得她離開那一天，因為某些原因我其實不想出現在療養院... 但幸好我去探望她，不然我可能真的會後悔死。當時因為她的喘氣聲好強烈，我們不知道應該如何應付，所以按鈴叫了護士進來檢查... 護士說這般喘氣聲其實不是很尋常，當時建議我們可以給她一點藥物緩和她的喘氣。我握著她的手，她緊緊的抓了一次，不知怎麼的，我就很自然的想去感覺她的心跳，但我怎麼感覺都感覺不到心跳，我嚇死了！又再一次的按鈴叫護士進來檢查，護士進來感覺到她的心跳。我想可能是我自己錯了。因為我還握著她的手，第2次她抓了抓我的手，我發現她的呼吸已經開始慢慢緩和，我以為藥力發作了。眼睛根本離不開她... 原來那慢慢的呼吸，是她最後的換氣... 幸好當時目光離不開她，發現她沒有呼吸的時候，趕緊的又在按鈴叫護士進來，可是她的心跳也已經停止了... 

她安詳的離開了... 

It is yet another indescribable pain to have a loved one leaving you... I actually thought that i have gotten over the death of my Popo, but i realised nope, because all these while i just kept thinking about those days of my Popo, the wake/funeral/everything... 

Grandma was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma Cancer in April 2018. The Doctor couldn't give us a timeframe because a normal person could only live for a max 3 months... But i guess we were all prepared for this day to come, it's just that we cant bear for her to leave us. There was this period of growing up that i didn't really spend much time with her, but at least we made time to be by her side during these last few months/moments. She gripped my fingers twice before she passed on. I tried to check for her heartbeat when she gripped the first time, but i couldn't feel anything, i got scared and called for the Nurse. The Nurse came in and check, and said her heartbeat was normal. So i thought maybe i've made a mistake... The second time she gripped my fingers, i realised she is breathing very slowly, i thought the medicine was taking effect... But apparently not, she stopped breathing after a while. Thank goodness i was just beside her, so when i realise she wasn't breathing, i called for the Nurse immediately! But they could no longer feel any heart beat... That's when we know she really left us...

I know she's in a better place now, no pain no medicine, no restrictions... 

But i'll still think of her...  

Farewell, Ahma!

Till then, we meet again... 

In loving memory of Sim Mui Kee.

1924 - 2018

Rest in Peace.